People are surrounded by advertising, which has an increasing effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects?

With the development of technology, advertisements have become more common in our lives. Although the increased prevalence of advertisements has both positive and negative effects, I believe that it is likely to be largely advantageous for people’s lives.
The growing number of advertisements can be seen in a negative light because of the multiple harms it poses. One major problem would be the persuasive nature of advertising. Thanks to the advanced marketing, advertisements spark a desire to purchase a wide range of goods. For example, seeing a McDonald’s commercial on TV or KFC posters on an online page, people are tempted to order food online as opposed to preparing it at home. However, such products are often harmful for people’s overall well-being, causing dangers such as obesity and other related diseases. Besides, advertisements, especially those on social media, are questionable regarding their authenticity, as they tend to include fake information to attract customers. People may get tricked by the functionality and quality of a product mentioned during advertising. Resultantly, they end up buying goods which may not meet their initial expectations, making them the victim of online fraudulence.
However, I argue advertising becoming more popular is a change for the better due to certain benefits it brings. This is largely because advertisements give information about products to people, discouraging the need to check various sources to learn about the products. During advertising, almost all features of a product is mentioned, ranging from its content and expiring date. This, in turn, makes advertisements an easily accessible source of data. For example, when choosing a medicine for a sick child, a parent can learn all necessary information about the medicine, such as whether it meets age requirements. Additionally, advertisements can aid to combat with global issues, namely a growing household waste production, which can be potentially harmful for the future of a mankind. Increased visibility of products which conform to useful standards such as recycling and being biodegradable through advertising can encourage the widespread use of those goods. As a result, people tend to pay more attention to using eco-friendly products thanks to the advertisements.
In conclusion, advertising is becoming increasingly popular in our modern world, affecting our lives in many ways. This trend can be seen as negative because of the dangers it causes such as promoting unhealthy products and giving fake information. However, I believe that the negative effects of this development are still pale in comparison with advantages it offers, including accessible data and helping minimize the impacts of global problems.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a different aspect of the issue, and a conclusion that restates your position. You use a range of cohesive devices effectively (“However,” “Besides,” “Resultantly”), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which aids in maintaining a clear and logical progression of thought. To further improve coherence, ensure that the connection between ideas within and across paragraphs is seamless. For instance, the transition from discussing the persuasive nature of advertisements to their potential for misinformation could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of vocabulary with a variety of terms related to advertising and its effects. Your use of language is clear and appropriate, with no significant issues. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to discuss the nuances of the advertising industry and its impact on consumer behavior. Additionally, be mindful of word choice to ensure clarity and accuracy in conveying your ideas.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The essay showcases a variety of grammatical structures with a high level of accuracy. Your use of grammar is consistent, with minor errors that do not significantly impact the readability or the overall quality of the essay. To further demonstrate a higher level of grammatical control, focus on varying your sentence structures to add variety and depth to your writing. Additionally, be mindful of the correct use of prepositions and articles to ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. You have addressed the task effectively by presenting a clear position that the positive effects of advertising outweigh the negative effects. Your introduction provides a concise overview of the topic, and you have clearly stated your thesis in the introduction and conclusion. However, to further strengthen your response, you could consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, when discussing the benefits of advertising, you could provide examples of how it has helped consumers make informed decisions. Conversely, when discussing the drawbacks, you could provide examples of how it has contributed to issues such as health concerns and misinformation.