People think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Certain individuals hold the view that high-risk sports need to be restricted and others believe that this is peopleʼs choice. I agree that dangerous sports should be banned, as they pose significant risks to individuals.
Focusing on arguments in favour of banning extreme sports firstly, if these sports are prohibited it leads to safety concious. Banning dengerous sports would protect individuals from serious injuries or even death. For example, many countries have rock climbing. This sport is not always safe, as it exposes participants to risks such as an snapping rope. As a result, people may die. Another argument is that public health costs would significantly increase. This is due to the fact that dangerous sports can result in high medical costs. Banning them could potentially alleviate the financial strain on healthcare services, freeing up resources for more essential medical needs.
However, the eradiction of risky activities may not be essential because every individuals has their own interests, which are known as personal freedoms. Individuals should have the autonomy to make choices about their personal lives, including participating in high-risk sports. Banning these activities would infringe upon personal freedoms and individual autonomy. For example, rock climbing can be dangerous, but many enthusiasts take precautions, such as using safety equipment and receiving proper training because after they are doing this type of sports, people are absolutely teaching by persons who are good at these activities.
In summary, even though some individuals are against the opinion that hazardous sports should be banned. Due to the fact that these sports cause many problems which releated to peopleʼs life and from an economic perspective, dangerous sports can reduce financial gai
ns.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay is structured to discuss both views on the subject and to provide the writer’s opinion. However, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother. Using more explicit transitional phrases could help clarify the progression of ideas. Additionally, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the key points discussed and reinforce the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “dangerous sports,” “public health costs,” and “financial strain.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that affect clarity and readability. For example, “Banning dengerous sports would protect individuals from serious injuries or even death” should be “Banning dangerous sports would protect individuals from serious injuries or even death.”
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures and shows an understanding of the basic rules of grammar. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect the overall quality of the writing. For example, “if these sports are prohibited it leads to safety concious” should be “if these sports are prohibited, it leads to greater safety consciousness.”
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the banning of dangerous sports and by providing the writer’s opinion on the issue. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion that more thoroughly explores the reasons for both perspectives. Additionally, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the key points discussed and reinforce the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your argument and support it with relevant examples.