People use computers when they work or go banking, but some argue that it will make people isolated and decrease their social skills. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?
In todays modern world , people use computers for work and banking because they are fast and easy to use. However, some people think that using computers too much can make people lonely and reduce their social skills. I think this idea is partly true.
On the one hand , using computers a lot can make people feel alone. For example, people who work on computers all day might not talk much to others. Instead of meeting friends or family, they may spend more time on their devices. In banking, people no longer need to visit the bank because they can do everything online. This means they miss chances to meet and talk to others.
On the other hand, computers can also help people stay connected. Social media and video calls make it easy to talk to friends and family. People can also meet new friends online. At work, computers help people work together even if they are in different cities.
In conclusion, computers can sometimes cause people to feel isolated, but they also make communication easier. It depends on how people use them. If people use computers wisely, they can stay social and connected.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s opinion, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, “In banking, people no longer need to visit the bank because they can do everything online” could be rephrased as “In banking, people no longer need to visit the physical bank as they can conduct all transactions online.”
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with some variety in sentence structure. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, “On the one hand, using computers a lot can make people feel alone” could be rephrased as “On the one hand, the excessive use of computers can make people feel lonely.”
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the use of computers in work and banking, and the writer presents a clear position in the introduction and conclusion. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay could be improved by providing more detailed examples to support the arguments made.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.