People use computers when they work or go banking, but some argue that it will make people isolated and decrease their social skills. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?
Nowadays, people use computers for work and banking because they are fast and easy to use. However, some people think that using computers too much can make people lonely and reduce their social skills. I think this idea is partly true.
First, using computers a lot can make people feel alone. For example, people who work on computers all day might not talk much to others. Instead of meeting friends or family, they may spend more time on their devices. In banking, people no longer need to visit the bank because they can do everything online. This means they miss chances to meet and talk to others.
On the other hand, computers can also help people stay connected. Social media and video calls make it easy to talk to friends and family. People can also meet new friends online. At work, computers help people work together even if they are in different cities.
In conclusion, computers can sometimes cause people to feel isolated, but they also make communication easier. It depends on how people use them. If people use computers wisely, they can stay social and connecPeople use computers when they work or go banking, but some argue that it will make people isolated and decrease their social skills.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed. Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, and the use of cohesive devices is sometimes repetitive or incorrect.
Suggestions
- Add more supporting sentences to your body paragraphs to make your arguments more developed.
- Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas and make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be more clearly expressed. The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are generally relevant and supported by examples, but the discussion could be more fully developed. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the isolating and connecting capabilities of computers. However, the argument is not fully developed, and the examples provided are somewhat vague and not fully explained.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Develop your ideas more fully to provide a more comprehensive discussion of the topic.