People who ate five portions of fruits and vegetables per day
The bar chart illustrates information regarding the proportions of people consumed fruit and vegetables, from 2001 to 2008. Overall, all three groups started consuming more fruits and vegetables. Additionally, females had the greater figures throughout the period.
Focusing on females group, majority of whom consumed fruits and vegetables. In 2001, the figure was about 21%, which continuously rose until 2006, when peaked at 35%. In the following two years, the percentage experienced a slight decline to 30%.
Two other groups – children and males, on the other hand, had lower percentages. Starting at 12%, in 2001, the figure for children gradually increased achieving a peak at 28%, in 2007. After that, a negligible decrease to 25% was in the figure. Meanwhile, males had higher percentages compared to children. In the beginning of the period, about 18% of males ate vegetables and fruits every day. This figure steadily grew to 25%, in 2006 and in following two years it remained unchanged.
The essay presents information in a logical order, but some transitions between ideas are abrupt. The overall structure is clear, but there are minor issues with linking sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
- Clarify relationships between data points.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary accurately, though some phrases could be more precise or varied.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with occasional errors that do not impede understanding.
The essay adequately addresses the task, providing a clear overview and relevant details. However, it could include more specific comparisons and data points.
Suggestions
- Include more specific data points for clarity.
- Make more explicit comparisons between groups.