percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited different attractions
The line graph compares four attractions in terms of the number of tourists in Scotland between 1980 and 2010.
Overall, the number of people who visited the zoo and aquarium saw an increase of varying degrees while dramatic drops were seen in visitors to the castle and festival. Moreover, the castle was a dominant figure over a period of 30 years.
The castle and zoo showed growth in their visitors. In 1980, roughly 23 % of people were accepted in the castle, considerably more than those received in Argentina, at 10 %. There was a mild fluctuation in the figure for the zoo and then reaching approximately 20 % in the final year. Similarly, the castle’s tourists reaching about 45 % in 1995, before dropping to around 33 % at the and of the period.
The number of people who went to the aquarium started at 12 % in 1980 and this was followed by a considerable rise to 35 % in the next year. However, it dropped gradually to 20 % in 1985 and then by 2010, it had fallen to just below 10 %. In terms of the number of people who attended festival, it accounted for 30 % in 1980 and then steadily declined to around 18 % in 2010.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the main trends. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more varied linking words to connect your ideas.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some awkward or incorrect word choices.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details to support your main points.
- Avoid awkward or incorrect word choices.