percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited different attractions
The line graph compares four attractions in terms of the number of tourists in Scotland between 1980 and 2010.
Overall, the number of people who visited the zoo and aquarium saw an increase of varying degrees while dramatic drops were seen in visitors to the castle and festival. Moreover, the castle was a dominant figure over a period of 30 years.
The castle and zoo showed growth in their visitors. In 1980, roughly 23 % of people were accepted in the castle, considerably more than those received in Argentina, at 10 %. There was a mild fluctuation in the figure for the zoo and then reaching approximately 20 % in the final year. Similarly, the castle’s tourists reaching about 45 % in 1995, before dropping to around 33 % at the and of the period.
The number of people who went to the aquarium started at 12 % in 1980 and this was followed by a considerable rise to 35 % in the next year. However, it dropped gradually to 20 % in 1985 and then by 2010, it had fallen to just below 10 %. In terms of the number of people who attended festival, it accounted for 30 % in 1980 and then steadily declined to around 18 % in 2010.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The writer uses appropriate connectors and cohesive devices. However, there are a few instances where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Avoid mixing different attraction descriptions in the same paragraph.
- Use a wider range of linking words to show the progression of time and to compare and contrast the data more effectively.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are very few grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also provides specific details and examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed comparison of the attractions.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. Provide a detailed comparison of the attractions, including specific data and trends.
- Avoid making subjective statements or assumptions about the data. Stick to describing the data only.