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In our modern era, technology is developing, as time passes, humanity adapt to machines and everyone has smartphones, at least one. Young individuals spend their significant time on their phone. I believe that this is a negative development.
The number of children who prefer spending hours on virtual games, social media rather than playing indoor and outdoor activities with thier friends increased dramatically over the past years. People spend their time on technology, such as laptops, icluding parents using their smartphone or computers for work at home, in the eyes of children. Therefore, children try to use phones and that makes them addicted to smartphones. Technology has numerous advantages as well as disadvantages. Due to the entertainment of technology, children started playing mobile games, watching time-wasting videos. As a result, children addicted to technology.
Furthermore, this negative trend is making children forget about real life, the beauty of nature, the quality time with close ones. Technology changed our lives considerably, making us lazy. In addition, many children started losing friends because they chose playing video games on their laptops or smartphones over spending quality time with friends. While some enjoy in virtual life, going to journey, spending time with friends on adventure is much more enjoyable.
In conclusion, I think we all must spend time on technology with limits. It is essential to spent quality time with family, friends rather than being in virtual life. I believe that technology has many advantages and it depends on us if we get its advantages and make ourselves successful.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the text. However, there are several grammatical errors that can hinder understanding and disrupt the flow of the essay. These errors need to be addressed, and more complex sentence structures can be introduced for a higher score in this criterion.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impact of technology on children and expressing a clear opinion on the matter. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the points made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.