sevinch
The bar chart shows the changes that took place in the proportion of employed people in five distinct job sectors- sales, computing, nursing, accounting, and farming-in the years 2001 and 2008.Overall, the figures for sales, computing, and nursing witnessed upward trends, with the former experiencing the most marked change, while the reverse was true for the other two remaining sectors. It is also evident that employment rates in farming were the least substantial of all.
Delving into the details of these increasing trends, the highest number of people employed was in sales, at around 150,000, a figure which saw a chart high of nearly 160,000 by 2008. Interestingly, similar patterns could be observed in the nursing and computing sectors, each commencing with nearly 50,000 employees at the beginning of the timeframe. Over the span, the computing went through a dramatically-rising tendency from about 70,000 to roughly 120,000 employees, indicating a growing demand for technology-related jobs. In contrast, the share of nursing remained relatively unchanged with an increase of about 10,000.
Moving on to the downward trends, in the initial year accounting sector rated second in terms of high employment level, with figures at over 60,000. As for farming, it was by far the least popular employment option for job seekers. Unfortunately, the following years turned out to be quite negative for both section, which faced downturns, falling to just 60,000 and 20,000 respectively.
The essay is well-organized with clear progression and appropriate use of linking words. However, some sentences could be more logically connected.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to connect ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriately, though some phrases could be more precise.
The essay displays a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay effectively describes the data and trends shown in the bar chart, covering all key points.
Suggestions
- Ensure all figures are accurately reflected in the essay.