Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a view that smokers and the people nearby are impacted negatively by fumes. Although there are some benefits for citizens, I completely disagree with this statement. This essay will discuss both sides of the phenomenon.
On the one hand, the government should lay down the law about smoking in order to prevent some health diseases. In other words, should people smoke in public places, a fine must be given to them. The reason why all of the people cannot afford to pay for this. As a result, it leads to reducing the number of smokers among the population. For example, in Uzbekistan, the majority of people cannot smoke in crowded places owing to taxes.
On the other hand, besides the advantages, there are several drawbacks to this. It means that individuals who are addicted to narcotics try to grow various harmful plants in their own houses so as to have satisfaction. Consequently, it causes the creation of different fatal pandemics. For instance, Abdulla Qurbonov, who is one of the famous singers in Asia, has been consuming handmade drugs for nine months. Moreover, it brings to be sick not only him but also his family.
In conclusion, smoking has a massive effect on community health that it can damage smokers and people who are breathing smoke, so it should be stopped by the government. Even though it causes people to stop smoking among some people, there are people who do not follow the rules, leading to huge problems.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less fluid. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the supporting points back to the main argument to ensure full cohesion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be corrected for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the impact of smoking on both smokers and non-smokers and the importance of banning smoking in public places. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the counter-arguments.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported. Provide more detailed examples and evidence to support the points being made.