Society would benefit from a ban on all kinds of advertising because it serves no useful purpose and can be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that it would be advantageous for society when all types of advertisement are imposed because there is no benefit; furthermore, it might be dangerous. While I acknowledge the detrimental effects of ads are trivial for the whole community, the reason is that
people get more useful information at the time of announcement when watching TV. I believe positive sides are more overweight than potential negative effects, such as some unemployed people will have jobs via advertising.
It is tough that endorsing is not just something that helps people find what they want, but it is somewhat far from the significant. There are different kinds of commercials; one of them is anons on TV. Instead of television marketing, it would be a proper response for other important TV programs to be broadcasting. Take 5 minutes of ad bombarding; if education-related programs may be useful for everyone. From the perspective of society, marketing campaigns are a waste of time and some of them put the health of customers at risk. Firstly the thing is they do not want to spend their vital time just watching purposeless things like promotions. Secondly, many advertised products are not healthy, therefore they are too risky for their health. For instance, some drugs are not proven by experts, as a result one buy it and will get diseases.
On a broader scale, prohibiting all commerce is not a logical course due to some grounds. In the initial stage, many workers earn an income by advertising; an example: in an effort to prepare one ad, it takes at least ten people to finish it. Producer, marketing specialist, makeup artist, stylish and so one. Another primary reason is the budget of the government making a profit by adverts. This is why advertisers pay a huge amount of money to promote their product. After that, the government investigates that money to society; it means endorsements play a key role in the world.
In conclusion, although announcements are not necessary for many reasons, like wasting time, I believe they have upsides, such as enhanceing the budget.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly linked to the body paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing and make your arguments more persuasive.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all the sentences in the paragraph support this topic.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be increased.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition use, as well as some awkward phrasings. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more complex sentence structures could be increased.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the potential benefits of banning all types of advertisement. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.