Soem people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals believe that extreme sports should be prohibited, while others argue that people should be free to make decisions. This essay will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion.
One argument in favor of this perspective is that banning dangerous sports would protect individuals from serious injuries or even death. It is responsibility of the government to ensure the safety of its citizens, and certain extreme sports pose unnecessary risks. Banning base jumping in urban areas. This sport involves leaping off tall buildings with a parachute and accidents have led to severe injuries and fatalities. Another outlook is that extreme sports can result in costly medical bills and burden the financial strain on healthcare systems, feeding up resources for more essential needs.
On the other hand, others argue that people should be autonomic to make choices on their own lives, including participating in dangerous sports. Banning these activities can infringe upon their freedom and individual autonomy. For instance, rock climbing can be dangerous, but many enthusiasts take precautions, such as using safety equipment and receiving proper training.
In conclusion, while there are valid points on both sides, I tend to agree that people should be self-governing to make their own decisions about how they live their lives, including the risks they take.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each viewpoint, and a conclusion that restates the author’s opinion. However, there are some issues with cohesion and the use of cohesive devices. For example, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing and make it more coherent.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, such as “autonomic” instead of “autonomous” and “feeding up resources” instead of “stretching resources.” Additionally, the use of synonyms could be varied more to avoid repetition and improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be more clearly expressed. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be improved for clarity and accuracy. For example, “banning base jumping in urban areas” should be “banning basing jumping in urban areas,” and “feeding up resources” should be “stretching resources.” Additionally, the use of articles and prepositions could be improved to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both sides of the argument and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion could be more fully developed, with more specific examples and a clearer structure in the body paragraphs. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points made and restating the writer’s position more clearly.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments and make your writing more persuasive.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.