Some argue that schools should prioritize life skills such as working in teams and solving problems instead of traditional academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that school should encourage children to learn personal skills like how to tackle certain issues and working in a group, as they can be beneficial for children rather than school curriculum. Therefore, I completely agree with this given view because only prioritizing school subjects cannot guarantee the future.
These days, many educational institutions are teaching school children in a very traditional way like basic calculating, making presentation, and giving them a lot of homework, as a result more and more teenagers are dropping schools since they are not interested in a conservative teaching style. In addition, most teachers at school are senior people, hence the teaching method also can be old fashioned and repetitive, because older teachers are not energetic enough to make the lessons vibrant. For example, in Uzbekistan many schools, especially in the rural areas are still rely on traditional academics, consequently, the vast majority of young school boys give up attending the school and start working alsowhere.
If secondary schools had concentrate on teaching other life skills such as how to work with others or how to enhance communication skills a number of young school graduates, many of them easily would find their paths in the life. For instance, Robert Kyosaki who wrote a book called Rich Dad and Poor Dad highlighted some important skills related to finance and how to be become financially freedom. As he explained in the book traditional way of teaching is not longer useful. Because most schools don’t teach how to make money.
In conclusion, schools are wouldn’t be essential place if they hadn’t stop teaching traditionally since the worlds is changing and so the schools should

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be improved. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the transition to the body paragraphs is a bit abrupt. Using more explicit signposting language could help to improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion is a bit weak and could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “as a result more and more teenagers are dropping schools since they are not interested in a conservative teaching style” could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, the use of more formal language could help to improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, but there are some errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. For example, “As he explained in the book traditional way of teaching is not longer useful” should be “As he explains in the book, the traditional way of teaching is no longer useful.” Paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation, such as ensuring subject-verb agreement and using commas correctly, can help to improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the importance of prioritizing personal skills over traditional academics in schools. The writer presents a clear stance, supporting the idea with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the potential benefits and challenges of the proposed approach. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the writer’s position.