Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Some children expend hours every day on their mobile phones. Today’s children spend their a lot of time for use smartphones and some people think it’s negative development but on the other hand another humans belive that it is more useful to children’s life. For instance, some children use their smartphones for studying and other beneficial occupations however there are some children use it for unnecessary activities throughout the day and as a result they have some health problems.
At present, children spend most of their time on the smartphones, even the whole day. They use phones for studying new informations or learning range of lessons from online courses. For example, children really want to learn a lot of informations and lessons because the lessons they learn in school are not enough for them therefore children learn courses online from their smartphones.
On the other hand, some children spend enough time on the mobile phones for undesirable actions thereafter they have some health problems. They look a lot to their phone and their eyes will be damaged and children begin to have issues with their eyes as a result, it effects the future of these children.
. True some children use phones only helpful things not wrongful ways. So to use phones a lot is good thing for children who use it correctly
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the ideas are not smoothly connected, and there are some abrupt transitions. The essay lacks proper paragraphs and uses some unclear pronouns. The essay is somewhat repetitive and could benefit from more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to connect your ideas more clearly.
- Make sure to use correct pronouns and referents.
- Avoid repetition and add more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
The vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. The essay sometimes uses vague language and lacks precision in word choice. There is some repetition of words and phrases, which could be replaced with synonyms to improve variety.
There are several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. The essay sometimes uses awkward phrasing and lacks clarity in sentence construction. There are some issues with verb tense consistency.
The essay addresses the topic by discussing the reasons why some children spend a lot of time on smartphones and the potential negative and positive effects of this behavior. However, the essay does not fully develop the points and lacks depth in the discussion. The conclusion is also not clear and does not effectively summarize the main points.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your points and provide detailed explanations and examples.
- Provide a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.