Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, using some gadgets such as smartphones, laptops are very popular among young people. While there are some reasons for this trend, I believe it is a negative development for youngster.
There are several reasons for this topic. One of the main reason for this, social medias are easily attract children. For example, on Instagram and Youtube have a lot of videos to watch and that videos attract youngesters to them. They are designed to be engaging, with features like notifications that keep users hooked. Another reason of using mobile phones on a daily basis is that smartphones are also very important for their educational purposes, such as accessing online classes, research or find some words, which they don’t understand and language-learning apps. For instance, we knew there are several apps to learn a new language like ,,Duolingo” and you can learn two language by this app, simultenously.
On the other hand, using phones on every day is negative development. Firstly, this cause some health problems like eye strains, sleep disruption or physical problems. Using mobile phones more than enough can be harmful for children’s eyes. Because, mobile phones has a ultra-light and this is very harmful for children. And if you use excessive, especially before bedtime, disrupt melatonin distruption and this is leading to poor sleep quality. Another disadvantage of using smartphones is that it reduce social interactions. If people overuse mobile phones on every day, it can be reduce face-to-face interaction. It effects to relationships, because if children tend to use mobile phone every day, they do not want communicate with their parents or relatives and even with their friends.
In conclusion, younger people tend to spend their significant time on their smartphones, due to some entertainments on social media or their education. However, I believe this is a negative development because it leads to health issues and effect weakining relationships.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the author’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as in sentence construction. The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can cause difficulty for the reader. In particular, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as in sentence construction. These errors can be distracting and may affect the overall clarity of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why young people spend hours on their smartphones and providing an opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made, but these could be more specific or detailed to strengthen the argument. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the author’s stance, but it could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your position.
- Consider providing more specific or detailed examples to support your points.