Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Today, it has become common for young people to use their smartphone more than ever before due to several reasons. Despite some potential threats this trend has benefitted people more.
In terms of why young generation has been so addicted to mobile phones, they have made the way of getting information extremely comfortable and possess several more interesting contents in them. Now a person can find any data needed for their profession or study without much effort on the internet. In the past, they had to go to libraries and spend a lot of time searching for a book. Another key factor of popularity of smartphones is that there are variety of social networks to enjoy leisure time and even to make friends, such as, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. According to statistics, 25 percent of recently married couples got to know each other over social networking sites.
On the one hand, excessive use of contemporary devices like phones can affect on human health negatively. Because smartphones emit ultraviolet rays, they are considered very damaging for human eyes and brains. Additionally, mobile phones may increase the risk of cancer by 20 percent, which has been proven by WHO.
In spite of the disadvantages mentioned above opportunities that smartphones have created are undisputed. smartphones have made education more accessible for individuals who are unable to attend university due to various burdens. Many people are studying at foreign institutions without going abroad. Moreover, people can take advantages of phones in several aspect of life. For example, they have a chance to talk to relatives who maybe in a foreign country or a distant city through phone calls and video calls. Finally, children can learn school subjects through educational games on their phones, which can be more engaging than traditional books. Psychologists say that kids tend to learn 3 times faster when they have interests than whey do not.
By way of conclusion, using mobile phones have become very popular with children due to their convenience and interesting sites. Although they may be perilous in some ways, the benefits of this trend truly outweigh its drawbacks.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “ultraviolet rays” are mentioned as being harmful, when it is actually blue light that is emitted by smartphones that can be harmful to the eyes. Additionally, the phrase “variety of social networks to enjoy leisure time and even to make friends” could be more succinctly phrased.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected. For example, in the sentence, “Because smartphones emit ultraviolet rays, they are considered very damaging for human eyes and brains,” the word “ultraviolet” should be replaced with “blue” as smartphones emit blue light, not ultraviolet light. Additionally, the phrase “20 percent of recently married couples got to know each other over social networking sites” could be more clearly phrased.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the reasons for the widespread use of smartphones among young people and weighing the benefits and drawbacks of this trend. The writer presents a clear explanation of why young people are drawn to smartphones and discusses the potential negative effects on health. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with relevant examples.