Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Today, it has become common for young people to use their smartphone more than ever before due to several reasons. Despite some potential threats this trend has benefitted people more.
In terms of why young generation has been so addicted to mobile phones, they have made the way of getting information extremely comfortable and possess several more interesting contents in them. Now a person can find any data needed for their profession or study without much effort on the internet. Yet, in the past they had to go to libraries and spend a lot of time on searching a book. Another key factor of popularity of smartphones is that there are variety of social networks to enjoy leisure time and even to make friends, such as, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. According to statistics, 25 percent of recently married couples got to know each other over social networking sites.
On the one hand, excessive use of contemporary devices like phones can effect on human health negatively. Because smartphones emit ultraviolet rays, they are considered very damaging for human eyes and brains. Additionally, mobile phones may increase the risk of cancer by 20 percent, which has been proven by WHO.
In spite of the disadvantages mentioned above opportunities smartphones have created are undisputed. First of all, nowadays education has been accessible for those who are not able to come to universities because of some burdens. Many people are studying at foreign institutions without going abroad. Moreover, people can take advantages of phones in several aspect of life. For example, they have a chance to talk to relatives who maybe in a foreign country or a distant city through phone calls and video calls. Finally, young children can learn school subject with different games on their phones because sometimes they can be bored with books. Psychologists say that kids tend to learn 3 times faster when they have interests than whey do not.
By way of conclusion, using mobile phones have become very popular with children due to their convenience and interesting sites. Although they may be perilous in some ways, the benefits of this trend truly outweigh it drawbacks.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “effect on human health negatively” should be “have a negative effect on human health,” and “phones in several aspect of life” should be “phones in several aspects of life.”
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected. For example, “they have made the way of getting information extremely comfortable and possess several more interesting contents in them” should be “they have made the retrieval of information extremely comfortable and possess significantly more engaging content.”
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the widespread use of smartphones among young people and evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative. The writer presents a clear explanation of why young people are drawn to smartphones and discusses both the positive and negative aspects of their use. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your points.