Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a significant number of young children allocate their precious time to sit in front of screens. This essay will examine the potential causes of this phenomenon and discuss whether it is a positive or negative improvement.
There are a number of reasons why children are more prone to spend hours on their smartphones. As technology developed, we now live in a modern era. This means that almost every human being ranging from younger generations to elderly people uses devices, at least one smartphone. This technology paves the way to the accessibility of internet which can be found any information about everything by people and it can contain a number of online games depending on its memory which mostly attract children, especially boys as they tend to play online games such as Pubg or Dota than girls. Another major reason might be social media platforms namely Telegram, Instagram, Facebook and others as well as educational programs, however most adults are browsing in social media platforms rather than doing their homeworks.
As a matter of fact that this developed habit of younger generation tend to pose harmful problems related to their health. Once they enter such platforms or play fighting games that mentioned above, they can not control theirselves and might get addicted to them or become more violent due to their influence on their views, resulting in wasting their time by watching short videos and engaging such games. What is more that even following wealthy individuals or bloggers and watching their actions or stories that are uploaded on the internet can lead to mental health issues such as stress and depression. Nevertheless, in my opinion, instead of living in a sedentary lifestyle and being an unhealthy, they can do more physical activities and use their smartphones effectively by receiving a help for their studies.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured in a way that logically presents reasons for children’s smartphone usage and discusses potential negative effects. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the overall cohesion could be enhanced by more effectively linking related ideas.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “phenomenon,” “harmful problems,” and “sedentary lifestyle.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be refined for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise vocabulary could enhance the essay’s overall quality.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can hinder clarity. For example, “they can not control theirselves” should be “they cannot control themselves,” and “resulting in wasting their time by watching short videos and engaging such games” could be rephrased for clarity. Paying attention to these errors and ensuring proper sentence construction can improve the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why children may spend hours on smartphones and considering whether this is a positive or negative development. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this behavior and the potential consequences, such as health issues and addiction. However, the essay could be strengthened by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by offering a more nuanced discussion of the potential benefits and drawbacks of this trend. Additionally, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the key points discussed and reinforce the writer’s stance on whether this is a positive or negative development.