Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Some young generations sit on their screen all day . This essay will examine the possible of reasons why they use their phones for all time and give my own view.
There are some cases for using smartphones among the children . Firstly, most of the young people gain in popularity with social media. They use Telegram, Tikka and Instagram for being trendy among the their peers . For example, they pass their time for doing chit chat , take some photos and publishing to the social media. However, there are some children who use smartphones for a good way . In recent decade , the online education became common in our world . There are a lot of students who cannot effort for their education, and they study from the phone . The students easily can find new information and video lessons in the internet and learn from it .
There are some negative developments of using smartphones for hours. First and foremost, children who are using telephone become a sedentary lifestyle. They sit all day , watching some videos on their phones. It leads to obesity and ayes issues. Without physical activity , children gain weight and become unhealthy. They might have ayes problems because of the light on the screen . Furthermore, some young generations suffering from the balance. They spend more hours for smartphones than their hobbies and assignments. Itis effect to their future. They might not be successful from their jobs and they may feel stress and anxiety.
In conclusion, while there are some reasons for using smartphones among the children such as gaining popularity and online study . In my opinion, sitting in front of the phone can lead to many negative ways such as sedentary lifestyle , obesity and problem with balancing.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for the reasons and effects, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the transition between ideas can be abrupt, and the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas is sometimes confusing.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure to use pronouns and synonyms correctly to avoid confusion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “sedentary lifestyle,” “obesity,” and “balance.” However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling (e.g., “Tikka” instead of “TikTok,” “ayes issues” instead of “eyesight issues”). Additionally, some phrases are awkward or unclear and could be expressed more naturally (e.g., “gaining in popularity with social media” could be rephrased to “gaining popularity on social media”).
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity and readability of the essay. These include issues with subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb forms, and missing articles. Punctuation is also often misused, further detracting from the overall clarity.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response. However, the response could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why children may spend a lot of time on smartphones and the potential negative effects of this behavior. However, the essay could be more specific in providing examples and supporting details to strengthen the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph is fully developed and clearly relates to the thesis statement.