Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Some children tend to spend most time on phone gadgets .This essay will delve into reason and opens whether positive or negative outcome .
There are several reasons why young individuals pass their each day of scrolling up and down their phone than past .In essence , some people are snowed under the work for meeting and accommodating their children’s needs as much as possible.Therefore ,if their daughters and boys are at home ,they choose playing the game as recreational activity on smartphone.Along with this, cutting -edge technological area demands new adaptation from the yougsters.They utilize their phone , laptop or table for accomplishing assignments.High income countries implemant state -of -art technologies during the lessons which results present how was their decision is right in international estimation like PISA showing Singapore, Findland of the highest scores.
Implementing of phones could have negative implications for young descendants . First and foremost , they make of substantial dependence to little tool and children become involved in sedantary lifestyle instead of outdoor activities,where people can enjoy and have sophisticated conversation with their peers , path the way of personal fulfillment during precious childhood .Along with this, obsessive utilization of gadgets are to lead mental and physical health issues.It is not the secret , phone account for ultra lights which is harmful for vision or mental health problems such as short attention span is become common for them .They are social isolated especially during the pandemic .Most of the young individuals suffered from those technologies .The latter could not give enjoyment .
In conclusion , while alluring childrens with phone due to less attention of parents or modernization has brought a new method of study cause spending more time than usual ; however ,I think smartphones outnumber of benefits, drawbacks can be seen in unhealthy lifestyle who are tempted to indoor activities or it make a difference for health . Children ,who spend most valuable time in screen ,build poor health
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, leading to a lack of clarity in some sentences. Additionally, the coherence of the essay could be improved by more effectively linking ideas within and between paragraphs.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay uses a range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, such as “smartphones,” “sedentary lifestyle,” and “technology.” However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be increased to better match the tone of an academic essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a range of grammatical structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of articles and prepositions. The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can hinder the overall clarity and readability. Issues such as subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use are present and can detract from the overall quality of the writing. Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended to improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why some children spend a lot of time on smartphones and the potential positive and negative effects of this. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more balanced discussion of the positive and negative aspects of smartphone use among children. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more balanced discussion of the positive and negative aspects of smartphone use among children.
- Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and clearly restating your position.