Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Some children are spending their every day time on their smartphones. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this trend and explain why I believe it is a negative development.
One of the main reason is that they addicted to social media because they think social media is much more interesting than their life and they want to run away from their miserable life. The second reason is that the dopamine, when they watch some kind of fun things their mind releases the dopamine and it leads them to watch more and more videos, it also works with the video games too. Also, parents sometimes give their children smartphones to keep them quiet. Parents may not have enough time to play with their kids, so they let them use their phones instead.
I think this is a bad thing. First, they are wasting their time on nothing because now they should focus on their studies. Secondly, looking at the screen for a long time can hurt their eyes. Then they would become a vanilla guy who does not spend his time with their parents and friends. Finally, it can make them bad at studying. They may spend too much on phones and not do their homework.
In conclusion, children use smartphones too much because they are fun and parents allow it.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety, which can make the essay less engaging to read. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas can sometimes be unclear. More varied transitional phrases could be used to improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, the use of pronouns and referencing is sometimes confusing, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the author’s intended meaning.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.
- Make sure that your ideas are connected clearly and that the relationship between them is easy to follow.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use more complex language. However, there are several instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, there are some issues with word form and spelling that can make the essay difficult to understand. To improve the essay, the author should focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary, and pay closer attention to word form and spelling. Additionally, the use of more formal language could help to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammar and sentence structure, with some attempts to use more complex language. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can make the writing difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with punctuation and sentence length, which can affect the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. To improve the essay, the author should focus on addressing these grammatical errors and punctuation issues. Breaking down long sentences into shorter, more concise ones could also help to improve clarity.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why some children spend a lot of time on their smartphones and why the author believes this is a negative development. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support these points. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main arguments. To improve the essay, the author should focus on providing more detailed explanations and examples to support their points. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main arguments.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.