Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?
In this time and age, it is very common to have seen so many children spending a lot of time on their smartphones. Which the time they spend on smartphones may even outplay the time they spend with their parents and friends. In this case, the convenience of using smartphones is the main reason attributed for such outcome.
To begin with, children can be easily stimulated by smartphones. Children are actively growing bodies which they would try out to learn or experience new things every day. Unlike exploring things in the reality, using smartphones allows children to explore new things via multiple platforms like Google,Youtube etc. The contents within those channels are updating bascially every minute which are also introduced in a relatively engaging way unlike those explained in books. Therefore, using smartphones allows children to be stimulated by new things much faster and more interetsing making them spending hours on the smartphones.
Futhermore, using smartphones also eliminates the geographical barrier between the children and their parents and friends. Children also demands vast emotional supports from their parents or friends. Without phones, it is rather difficult for the others to approach to the children as visiting them in person can be time consuming. However, with smartphones, children can share their emotions and communicate with the others just simply by a smartphone. There are a numeral of social media available for the children to share their daily life or expressing their personal thoughts privately. By considering the emotional support the children would crave for, it is very natural for them to spend a lot time on smartphones.
Despite that, it does not mean that children spending hours on smartphones is a positive trend which doing so can accomplish some unwanted influence to the children.
First of all, overusing smartphones may cause health risks to the children. By using the phone, children can be stimulated by just doing a little body movements during a day. If that situation subtains for years of the children, it may cause obesity or even muscle weakness of the children by not doing the enough exercise that they need to due to spending most of their time on the smartphones. Also, many children may also use their smartphones in inappropriate postures which may cause bones and joints displacement and short sight if they keep doing so.
Last but not least, spending excessive time on smartphone can lead to commincation skill issues of the children. As smartphones allow children to communicate with other people simply by texts, they may just avoid talking with the others face to face as using the smartphone is much more convenient. If they persist to do so, they may lack the skills talking with others in person which can even detriment their communication skills and hence making a poor social life of the children in the reality.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The use of transition words and phrases helps to guide the reader through the text. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be improved, and the overall cohesion of the essay could be enhanced.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and precision.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are some errors and inaccuracies. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, with a good level of complexity. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer could further enhance the task response by providing more specific examples and evidence to support their arguments.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.