Some children spend hours ievery day in their smartphones . Why is this ? What do you think this is a positive or negative development ?
It is true that spending time in electric devices is becoming more and more globalization among the children in their daily life. I am of the opinion that there could be several reasons of this circumstance, and if the parents control their children in employing electric gadgets, this can be a positive trend.
On the One hand, there is fundamental factor of this which children are wasting time in their smartphones which are being used from some kind of youngsters, including but limited to intelligent young people and mischievous children. The reason why the adolescents can be focusing on staying in electric gadgets is that these kind of devices can be attractive and there could be a lot of content, ranging from funny conttent and beneficial ones on the social media , such as Instagram and Tik Tok . As a consequence, through making use of this kind of online media, the teenagers are obligated to spend hours on smartphones, thanks to being affordable of smartphones from financial side is considered positive trends by some children and every child, including but limited to young children and adolescents, have their own smartphones.
On the other hand, I contemplate that using smartphones wisely can give rise to progress of childs who have no knowledge a lot about using Internet and have a tendency to utilize from gadgets in order to enhance their academic skills. In addition to this, if the law enforcement concentrate on controlling the social media and they forbid unbeneficial content for all children of society, the teenagers can make use of right way or develop their knowledge from gadgets, as seeking data in the smartphone can be easier and it does not require plenty of time.
In conclusion, if the government increase social commentary content and beneficial websites on the Internet, this circumstance can give rise to boost child’s character and have wealth of knowledge through employing right from electronic devices, which can help to be perfectly person in the future for the children.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, there are some errors in punctuation and spelling that can be distracting.
The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples and by ensuring that all parts of the task are fully addressed.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.