Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy.
In our modern countries, some countries have legal ages at which people can drink while other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. I personally believe that strict laws are a better policy.
On the one hand, there are various reasons from legal ages at which people can drink. Because all countries want to safely own their inhabitants and they can safe from many ills and metal health problems. Moreover, some countries have legal ages at which people can drink alcoholics and other extraordinary laws like these laws. For example, in North Korea, their governments often create new laws like legal ages at which people can drink. In addition, if countries don’t have legal ages at which people can drink. Fourth, with all young people, students and pupils may start drinking alcoholic and other negative drinks. This situation is absolutely dangerous for all young ages.
However, other countries believe that not having strict laws is a better policy. The reason for this is that all people want to live self-sufficient with their own families, and they want to do what they want. Moreover, local people don’t want to do commands from policy. In fact, from the Second World War, some dependent countries’ populations were always serving from powerful countries’ governments and their laws. Therefore, they always want to live self-sufficient with their own relationships, and they don’t want to attend World War. In addition, they worried about their own families and World Wars.
In conclusion, this both views are right from our own route because some places need laws while other places don’t need laws and government. I personally agree with both views if these views are serving their own route.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less fluid. Additionally, the conclusion could be more cohesive, as it restates the introduction rather than summarizing the main points.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as “legal ages,” “strict laws,” and “self-sufficiency.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that affect clarity, such as “metal health problems” (should be “mental health problems”) and “do commands from policy” (should be “follow the laws/policies”).
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that hinder understanding. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as issues with subject-verb agreement, article use, and preposition choice. Proofreading is essential to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay presents two contrasting viewpoints on the issue of legal drinking ages, but it lacks a clear thesis statement and a cohesive introduction. The body paragraphs provide some reasons for each viewpoint, but they could be further developed with more specific examples or evidence. The conclusion attempts to reconcile the two viewpoints but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the introduction clearly states the two contrasting viewpoints and the writer’s opinion.
- Provide more specific examples to support each argument.