Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy.

In our modern countries, some countries have legal ages at which people can drink while other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. I personally believe that strict laws are a better policy.
On the one hand, there are various reasons from legal ages at which people can drink. Because all countries want to safely own their inhabitants and they can safe from many ills and metal health problems. Moreover, some countries have legal ages at which people can drink alcoholics and other extraordinary laws like these laws. For example, in North Korea, their governments often create new laws like legal ages at which people can drink. In addition, if countries don’t have legal ages at which people can drink. Fourth, with all young people, students and pupils may start drinking alcoholic and other negative drinks. This situation is absolutely dangerous for all young ages.
However, other countries believe that not having strict laws is a better policy. The reason for this is that all people want to live self-sufficient with their own families, and they want to do what they want. Moreover, local people don’t want to do commands from policy. In fact, from the Second World War, some dependent countries’ populations were always serving from powerful countries’ governments and their laws. Therefore, they always want to live self-sufficient with their own relationships, and they don’t want to attend World War. In addition, they worried about their own families and World Wars.
In conclusion, this both views are right from our own route because some places need laws while other places don’t need laws and government. I personally agree with both views if these views are serving their own route.

5.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less fluid. Additionally, the conclusion could be more cohesive, as it seems to introduce a new point rather than summarizing the previous discussion.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “legal ages,” “self-sufficient,” and “commandments from policy.” However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could help to strengthen the arguments presented.

The essay shows a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, and the overall grammatical accuracy is quite good. However, there are some grammatical errors that can be distracting, such as issues with subject-verb agreement, article use, and preposition choice. Proofreading to correct these errors is recommended. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, could help to make the arguments more nuanced and persuasive.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing two different viewpoints on the issue of legal drinking ages. The writer clearly states their opinion that stricter laws are better. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of each viewpoint, including specific examples or data to support the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points discussed.