Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both and give your opinion.
There is a debate over who can drink, with some saying there should be a special rule which can strictly forbid drinking for under 18 years old. However, others agree that everyone should be allowed to drink. In my opinion, government has to create some rules that can prevent drinking which can lead to death of most young individuals in accidents because of being drunk and drinking can disturb teens from their studies and works.
Proponents of not banning drinks that contain alcohol on their own think if governments prohibit consuming alcoholic drinks, some scientists may create a new type of fruit or vegetable similar to hemp. This kind of thing may cause serious illness. In addition, they can be very expensive and majority of youngesters might buy them by selling or exchanging their valuable things namely electronics, homes and cars.
On the other hand supporters of creating a rule believe with this help of it the rate of accidents can be registered since most of accidents are happening because of drunk drivers. So, they sing it can eliminate accidents moreover it may help for students which are struggling with some problems in their studies or development prohibiting drinking alcohol for under the age of 18, can be the best way to be successful for most young generation in their lives. As we can see, the vast amount of prosperous people drink hardly ever when they are on some kind of events. In my point, drinking less helped them to become that type of people.
I finally believe, if people never drink or drink during a little alcohol they will become the fittest men or women in the world. The more they are drinking not only alcohol, but fizzy drinks also, the unhealthier they are becoming.
In conclusion, both sides of drinking alcohol how it’s advantages and the advantages. I would like to agree with the people favor that governments should control drinking water which contain alcohol and create new rules. As it would be beneficial especially for teens and their future.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas is not always clear. More effective use of linking words and a clearer connection between ideas would improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a flexible use of vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that could be improved. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise vocabulary could help to strengthen the argument and make the essay more engaging.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and some sentences are difficult to understand. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that can hinder clarity and readability. These include errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Proofreading for these errors and focusing on accuracy could help to improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the debate on whether or not to allow drinking at a certain age, and it presents a clear position, arguing that the government should create rules to prevent underage drinking. The essay provides a relevant introduction, two body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the issue, and a conclusion that restates the position. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with more specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more emphatically.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support the argument.
- Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating the position more emphatically.