Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both and give your opinion.
There is a debate over whether there should be an age limit in terms of drinking. Some regions believe that no policy regarding the age when people can drink alcoholic beverages has brought benefits, like no fining. However, others argue that age policy should be introduced by authorities as this law helps prevent from early illiteracy among children.
Opponents contend that there should not be a strict policy that restricts people from drinking at any age. For example, people in European countries such as Scotland, Ireland, and Germany are more prone to drinking alcohol at early ages. If government implements the age- related law against people who start drinking alcohol earlier, a policy which can be a fine. Even young people who cannot make money on themselves get fined and may struggle to cover the charge. To avoid these problems among people, especially younger ones, they prefer no responsibility in the age limit of drinking.
However, despite the benefits of no policy approach, I believe this development leads to several serious issues, such as health and educational concerns. Once children start having alcohol at the age of around 10-15, this tendency results the reduction in the level of their education. This means that early exposure to drinking can reduce the interests of children towards studies, leading to illiteracy. Additionally, drinking also negatively influences their health system. It is evident that people who drink alcohol age fast and destroy their immune and digestive system along with the confusion in the brain.
Therefore, even though I am against drinking at any age, I assert that age policy should be implemented by the government. This is because this implementation probably helps individuals get rid of these abovementioned both health and educational issues. Those who have already acquired their qualifications and honed their skills in their jobs are not affected by the problems that come with drinking. People can gain this experience at older ages that even if they drink, they are less likely to get out of their tracks.
In conclusion, despite the upsides of having no strict law in terms of age limit in drinking, I argue having one can bring far greater advantages by preventing from educational and health problems among children.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “a policy which can be a fine” is awkward and could be rephrased as “a policy which fines individuals for underage drinking.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “a policy which can be a fine” should be rephrased as “a policy which can result in a fine.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal stance. The writer presents relevant examples to support their points and effectively engages the reader. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the opposing viewpoint to provide a more balanced argument. Additionally, the conclusion could more fully summarize the main points and reinforce the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point and is well connected to the overall argument.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.