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Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both and give your opinion.

There are mixed views about the law of drinking age in certain parts of the world. While some contend that a strict limit on drinking age is important, others assert that it is optimal to have a more flexible policy. Therefore, this essay will examine both viewpoints, and argue in favor of establishing a stricter law over drinking age.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why certain nations prefer to have a flexible policy over drinking age. This system is seen as more egalitarian and gives people of all ages the opportunity and freedom to drink what they desire, thus successfully preserving basic human rights. The countries in the UK, including England and Ireland are prominent examples of such a regime. This, in turn, has helped these nations to be more youth-friendly, limiting incidences of protests or objection.
Nevertheless, imposing a certain drinking age is beneficial for a number of reasons. Firstly, it prevents early start of alcohol consumption, which means that possible addiction or inclination towards juvenile delinquency are well avoided, given younger peoples’ lack of self-determination and underdeveloped horizon. This system is also preferred by parents as they can safely let their children play outside or commute to market for grocery, without worrying over the fact that they may drink. A case in point is my home country of Uzbekistan, where people under the age of 21 are not eligible for alcohol purchase, let alone consume it. The immediate measures, such as legal punishment for both the seller and the buyer, have assisted with minimizing under-age drinking effectively.
In my opinion, the law concerning drinking age should be strict irrespective of public perception, for the future of young generation is at stake. The biggest downside to a fast-developing country and internal peace is uncontrolled young generation. Habits like premature drinking can halt successful physical and psychological development of young people, limiting their chances of finding decent employment and building a career. Although it may sound palatable to live in a nation, where premature alcohol consumption is permitted, the repercussions of doing so are too significant.
In conclusion, there are varied opinions about the law of drinking age. Although some express their approval of a more flexible drinking age policy, I am convinced that states should not allow their own young generation to decay before they blossom by permitting a more autonomous policy regarding drinking age.

7.5

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother to guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Some sentences are slightly disjointed and could be rephrased for better flow and coherence.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Some sentences contain awkward phrasing or minor errors that slightly detract from the clarity and precision of the argument.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas.

Suggestions
  • Ensure that you fully develop all of your points and provide sufficient support for your arguments.