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Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree

My essay: According to some experts, monetary growth of the economically developed countries is unnecessary, as this cannot satisfies their citizens. When this statement is true to some extent, I also believe that the additional economic rise in these states can make public people satisfied from their lives.
On the one hand, there are some reasons why I agree with this opinion. First of all, boom in the economics of the state can accelerate the tendency of the citizens on materialism and over-consumerism, which people are becoming to pursue happiness from tangible and luxury resources such as sport cars and expensive villas, despite they have no need for them. As a result, peoples are become to prioritize materialistic satisfaction over their family and health, the two key components to build meaningful life, and even some of the individuals may lose these while they achieved their dreamed “elegant” lifestyle. In this cases, community become more fragile and illusory truth about happiness may transcend over the real meaning of that, making people more unsatisfied from their life, which can lead to some of the terrible events. The most suitable example for this opinion is two economic giants: USA and Germany. These countries experiencing noticeable economic growth in recent decades and the citizens’ living standards are among the highest in the world. However, while the USA is the dominant in the number of imprisoned and homeless people, Germany has been underwent the significant numbers in the suicide and aging population due to the accelerating divorces. According to many sociologists such as Olivero Petkovic in university of Oxford, the main reason behind this situation in many developed countries is that impulsive consuming culture that has been brought by further economic developments.
On the other hand, the supplementary economic increase can make people more satisfied in their lives. For one thing, in order to fulfill the basic requirements of their citizens, governments are desperately in need for more financial resources that can be earned only by the economic advancement. In the last year, demand for food, shopping, education and healthcare by community members are surging and all this necessitates for more business opportunities and investments that can be particularly done by the financial support of the states. In order to do so, the extra budget money is essential and expansion in this may guarantee that all the above mentioned actions take a step and continue successfully. Another reason is that promoting the truth about happiness amongst public and teaching people about themselves sometimes take a lot of money. Preparing teachers and parents to study the children about psychology of satisfaction, using media power to show what is the real contentment in the life, doing scientific researches in the areas such as philosophy and neuro-psychology are all the actions that involve large amount of funding in the long-run. Without continuous development in the economy, raising social endorsement about true meaning of joy and ways to gain it remains out of question for the governments.
To conclude, while the ongoing economic hike in the developed countries is important to make members of society happy and enjoyed from their lives due to fundamental prerequisites and spreading the knowledge about pleasant lifestyle, it’s also unnecessary, since it transforms people into addicted to excessive consumerism.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions
  • Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
  • Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the two key components to build meaningful life” could be rephrased as “the two key components for building a meaningful life.” Improving word choice and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, using a more formal tone throughout the essay will help maintain a consistent and appropriate style.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is mostly accurate. However, there are a few minor errors. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “peoples are become to prioritize” should be “people have begun to prioritize,” and “the extra budget money is essential” could be rephrased as “additional budget money is essential.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a well-developed response to the question. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives and providing a clear personal stance. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and effectively frame the discussion. The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made, but the argument could be further developed with more specific evidence and a deeper analysis of the implications. The essay also meets the word limit, indicating that the response could be more fully developed if more time were allowed.

Suggestions
  • Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
  • Consider a more in-depth analysis of the implications of the argument.