Some high school students leave school without a good understanding of how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to improve their understanding?
Some people who study in high school leave school without knowing how to manage their money. In my opinion, there are some reasons for that, such as lack of financial education in schools, limited exposure to real-life financial situations, and parental influence. As well as, I also think to improve their understanding, finance should be entered into school lessons, and technologies should be used.
On the one hand, there are apparent reasons for students who are leaving their schools without any knowledge about finance. There aren’t, firstly, any lessons in school to teach students about how to manage their money, and because of this, most of the students pull out of their schools and enter the rest of their important life without knowing how to use their money correctly. As well as, students usually get financial support from their parents, and for that they have a lack of firsthand experience in managing money. Another big reason for this problem is parental influence. In some families discussions about money are avoided, or parents don’t think about teaching financial skills seriously because they think schools will take on the responsibility.
Nonetheless, there are some ways to raise students understanding about how to manage money, and the first one is to add financial lessons to school programs. If the government allows this kind of lesson to be taught in schools, students will start to get information about managing money, and they can be ready for their future careers. Another essential point is that technologies and some apps should be used. Leverage apps and online platforms that are designed to teach financial skills; they should be propagated to learn about finance more, and if it happens, more students will not have any lack of managing money.
In conclusion, while there are some reasons why high school students don’t know how to use money correctly, like lack of financial education in schools, parental influence, and limited exposure to real-life financial situations, this can be fixed by adding lessons about finance to schools and adding technologies.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and clearly linking these ideas together will improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, ensuring a varied and appropriate use of more formal language throughout the essay will enhance the overall lexical resource.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and sentence structures that could be revised for clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, such as ensuring subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, will improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the topic by identifying key reasons for the lack of financial literacy among high school students and suggesting potential solutions. The writer’s position is clear and well-supported, with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the proposed solutions and their potential impact. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points and reinforcing the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples.