Some people argue job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Choosing a job is not an easy decision as it involves various factors. While job security is claimed to be of greater importance, others argue that it is job satisfaction that needs to be prioritized. I think to have a successful career requires a careful consideration of multiple facets of a job.
In light of current economic climate, it is crucial to ensure a long-term employment. Given that the world population grows, the competitive nature of employment in every sector becomes more intense. As a result, if an individual loses their job, they have to wait for a prolonged period until another available job is found. This may lead to a financial pressure for an ordinary person who needs to cover the rising costs of their basic needs. Therefore, some maintain that job security should be considered more seriously than job security.
Conversely, there are adverse implications of overlooking job security. Routinely engaging in an activity that provides no satisfaction may cause fatigue, mental pressure, or depression. To avoid such mental constraints derived from work, an individual should envisage how rewarding their career options need to be. Having to deal with toxic colleagues, for example, can cause anxiety that may cripple into our personal space. For this reason, there is a school of thought that job satisfaction is a more important aspect in choosing a career path.
In conclusion, opinions vary as to which aspect of a job should be prioritized: job security or satisfaction. Personally, I believe both factors play a key role in leading a successful professional life, and ignoring either of these may lead to undesirable consequences.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a conclusion that restates your personal opinion. You use a range of cohesive devices effectively (“In light of current economic climate,” “Conversely,” “In conclusion”), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. To improve cohesion, consider more explicitly linking the implications of job security and job satisfaction to their respective arguments, and ensure a smooth transition between discussing job security and the benefits of job satisfaction.
Suggestions
- Try to ensure that your ideas flow more smoothly from one to the next
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of vocabulary with a variety of terms related to the topic (“long-term employment,” “financial pressure,” “mental constraints,” “toxic colleagues”). Your use of language is clear and appropriate for the academic context. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to discuss the nuances of job satisfaction and job security, and avoid repetition of terms (e.g., “job security” is mentioned twice in quick succession).
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay features a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances where awkward phrasing or minor grammatical errors detract from the overall clarity. For example, “Therefore, some maintain that job security should be considered more seriously than job security” (possibly a typographical error, repeating “job security”). Consider reviewing your work for such errors to ensure the highest possible clarity and precision. Additionally, to further demonstrate your grammatical range, incorporate more complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms, such as conditional sentences, passive voice, and relative clauses.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. You have addressed the task by discussing the importance of job security and job satisfaction, and you have provided a clear personal opinion. Your introduction and conclusion are concise and effectively frame the discussion. You have provided relevant examples to support your points. To further enhance your task response, consider providing a more in-depth analysis of the implications of prioritizing job security over job satisfaction, or vice versa, to enrich the discussion and provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more in-depth analysis of the implications of prioritizing job security over job satisfaction, or vice versa, to enrich the discussion and provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.