Some people argue that parents should have a strong influence on their children’s choice of friends and life partners. Others believe that young people should make these decisions independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is claimed that parents ought to provide a strong impact on their determining friendships and life companions. Others, however, think youth have to have independence once making decisions. I’m convinced that, in some cases where teenagers cannot tackle the problem that they are struggling with, they can receive help from their relationships, such as their parents, which is okay. But sometimes they need to opt for choices on their own.
The influence of parents is often insisted upon to solve some huge issues ongoing in children’s lives, meaning some young people do not have autonomy, which is why they need parental influence. When children get into some difficulties, especially where they have to make the relevant choice, they will ask or discuss how to complete the problem with the help of parents. Since parents have their live experience, they might give the exact selection. For example, after they get older, they have to find a partner to live in their life together. Thus, they may obtain guidance, which will help them to find the partner that they actually want to have. Another reason why the parents have the ability to make the correct conclusion is that they know cultural values, ensuring they grow up with a strong sense of identity and moral guidance. The moral compass, meaning parents can judge what is right or wrong, and they can help to teach how to maintain the emotions better. For instance, children may not know how to find a job or maybe work better. After getting some advice from their parents on addressing the problems, they can be better problem-solvers since their parents might have had those occasions when they made mistakes and realised the fault.
Finding impact on young people’s lives may be a better idea since parents have a moral compass, and they know more about life than youth. However, sometimes they have to find a solution on their own, meaning self-determination should be improved to control their life on their own. If they have individuality to form a judgement, they will be respected by other people, because these kinds of people are rare, and they are unique in qualities, which makes them different. A young person, who is trying to deal with a challenge without anyone, has a highly respected reputation in society as they have critical thinking to choose the right way. Additionally, those people who do settle on independently do not need to trust other people, because they are grown personally, and their perspective might be more organised and developed from others belief in instant judgement, meaning they can come to a conclusion with ease and the best decision where it is not possible in parental impact.
In summary, although the children may find the definite choice on their own through self-determination, I still believe that parental involvement is much more beneficial in terms of giving the accurate guidance to the children, and they could know about the live from their live experience and insist on finding decisive conclusions quickly by giving knowledge about emotional stability to maintain the emotional state.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “finding impact on young people’s lives” could be rephrased as “exercising influence on young people’s lives,” and “they could know about the live from their live experience” should be “they could know about life from their life experience.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, “I’m convinced that, in some cases where teenagers cannot tackle the problem that they are struggling with, they can receive help from their relationships, such as their parents, which is okay” should be “I’m convinced that, in some cases where teenagers struggle to address problems on their own, they can receive help from their parents, which is acceptable.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of parental influence in guiding children’s decisions and the need for young people to develop independence. The writer presents a clear stance, acknowledging that while parental guidance is beneficial in many situations, there are also instances where young people should be allowed to make decisions on their own. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples, but the essay could benefit from a more concise and focused thesis statement. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point or idea.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall position.