Some people believe children participate in team sports instead of individual sports . Do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that children should play sports involving teamwork rather than sports that are played individually. If I am asked, I totally disagree with this statement for several reasons.
It is no doubt that team sports have several beneficial effects on children, as they develop social skills that are definitely important during their lives. They also develop communication skills and which will help cooperate with people better, also to be able to act correctly when conflicts or other unpleasant situations happen. Playing team sports improves children’s understanding among each other. Moreover, children will have the experience of working with teammates and make quick decisions under time pressure and share responsibilities with teammates. All these factors will play a huge role in children’s lifestyle, behaviour, and personality.
Despite the benefits from team sports, individual sports are far more likely to build good skills for children. As they are the only player, and no help given by other individuals, children will develop deep thinking and problem-solving skills because they are the ones who created the problems, and they must fix everything in place. These views other activities that build responsibility far better than individual sports. Playing individual sports will increase confidence and independence, as they learn that their achievements are determined by their efforts and commitment. Other factors, though, has to be mentioned is that communication skills or social skills that team sports develop can also be developed on other activities. However, the benefits from playing individual sports are excessively rare to obtain.
In conclusion, while team sports develop social skills like communication and cooperation, individual sports form confidence, self-reliance, and responsibility, which are way more useful for children’s future life.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph support the main idea will help improve the overall coherence. Additionally, using a wider range of linking words and phrases will help guide the reader through the essay.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, “All these factors will play a huge role in children’s lifestyle, behaviour, and personality” could be rephrased as “All these factors will significantly influence children’s lifestyle, behaviour, and personality.” Ensuring that words are used in the correct context and that idiomatic language is used appropriately will help improve the overall lexical resource. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary, including more specific terms related to the topic, will help demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. For example, “Despite the benefits from team sports, individual sports are far more likely to build good skills for children” could be rephrased as “Despite the benefits of team sports, I believe that individual sports are more effective in building essential skills in children.” Ensuring that sentences are clear and concise and that grammatical structures are used accurately will help improve the overall grammatical range and accuracy. Additionally, using a wider range of grammatical structures, including more complex constructions, will help demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits of team sports and individual sports for children. The writer presents a clear position, stating that individual sports are more likely to build essential skills in children. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. The essay also demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, and the body paragraphs are well-organized and focused. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits of team sports and individual sports for children. The writer presents a clear position, stating that individual sports are more likely to build essential skills in children. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. The essay also demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph support the main idea.
- Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.