Some people believe children should participate in team sports instead of individual sports. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often debated that whether young people should practice individually or with a team I terms of sport. I firmly believe that-although training on their own yields some benefits of responsibility and achievement-working with a group can enhance their social skills.
Admittedly, there are two main merits of individual sports. One of them is personal independence. When children train alone, they should set training schedules, personal goals independently, as they do not have friends to rely on. Teenagers are entirely responsible for their performances, which enhances accountability. Also, by working solitary, they should encourage and support themselves during challenges, resulting in being independent in difficult situations. Additionally, it is also helpful for setting goals and achievements. Individual sports sparks young people aiming to achieve measurable goals in specific time period and they may be proud of themselves with their triumph, since they attained it solely.
Notwithstanding, team sports play a crucial role in child’s development whether it is personal or physical. Practicing with a group forests their soft skills such as good communication and cooperation skills. Moreover, young people might develop a sense of belonging and enhance self-esteem, all of which contributes to their social and emotional development. Furthermore, group sports offer opportunity to individuals to take on a leadership roles-being a team caption. They learn how to find a middle ground, among their peers who are in different page, in making decisions, while enjoying with friendly atmosphere. They feel the responsibility especially in competitions against other groups, because their single action decides their championship or failure.
In conclusion, individual sports help children with being independent which most of their peers cannot be. However, children, as long as trained with a group, have upper hand in terms of management.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could help to convey the ideas more effectively.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, “Moreover, young people might develop a sense of belonging and enhance self-esteem, all of which contributes to their social and emotional development” should be revised to “Moreover, young people might develop a sense of belonging and enhance self-esteem, both of which contribute to their social and emotional development.”

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the benefits of both individual and team sports for young people. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places, and the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points.