Some people believe that children should be taught how to manage money at school . To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People hold view that money management classes should be included to the school curriculum , and I partially agree with this idea . In my opinion, it is , indeed ,a great idea , since there is rise in the number of people who live in the poverty due to a finnacial illiteracy; however, the implications on students overall well-being should also be considered .
Being aware of financial literacy is significant for people to survive or the poverty may not stop to incresae . Therefore the integration of this class may have positve outcomes further and may stop misery, since parents themselves can not teach their children how to manage money . Besides learning money management not only sharpens childrens’ knowledge about money but also aids to understand other subjects like math . As a result , their brain will function faster and their problem solving skills can be enhanced.
It is important to balance essential subjects to avoid overwhelming students . Sometimes school includes subjects more than needed to its’ curriculum , that leads to burnout that students will experience later on. Meaning that before including any other new class to pupils routine in their young age , school principle should take into account that this my harm their overall health.
In conclusion, money managing classes can indeed be advantageous if it doesn’t lead to burnout of students who burdened with lots of subjects to learn even without that of class is included.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use more complex language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be more consistent.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in grammar and punctuation that can hinder understanding. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the use of articles. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the potential benefits of including money management classes in the school curriculum and the need to consider the overall well-being of students. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant points. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the potential impact on students’ well-being. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more emphatically.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a deeper analysis of the potential impact on students’ well-being.