Some people believe that children should go to extra classes after school. Others, however, think that children should spend that time playing instead. Discuses both views and give your own opinion.
In today’s rapidly evolving world, resistance to fierce competition in the job market and higher education is becoming increasingly important. Thus, some people are suggesting that children should attend extra classes after their school lessons, while some others argue that they should play games. In my opinion, although I support the idea that children should be given freedom to spend time in the playground, focusing on further improvement should not be forgotten.
On one hand, proponents of involvement in extra-curricular activities mention mental and physical advantages. From a mental standpoint, participating in extra curses, such as languages and other core subjects like math and physics, which assist with developing better critical thinking and analytical skills, is indispensable for successful transition to higher education and adulthood. As a result, this puts them in a favorable position as opposed to those children who have not attended such complementary courses. From a physical standpoint, attending sports helps to improve their self-confidence and overall fitness level. Such individuals are more often than not the target audience for well-established companies.
Nevertheless, critics of after-school activities emphasize the significance of spending time with friends in the playground. In a world where effective communication skills are becoming the staple, interacting with peers during playtime can make a valuable contribution to fostering various soft skills, including but not limited to teamworking, problem-solving and decision-making. Moreover, spending time playing with peers can help children eliminate the increased academic pressure improving the quality of their lives. A case in point is the British school system, where children who barely started school are monitored vigorously through regular tests such as SAT, which as a result makes them unable to interact with their friends in the playground. That’s why it is no surprise why British children are considered to be the unhappiest children, according to reports in popular journals, such as Economist.
Personally, I support the notion that children should participate in extra classes, even though it is important to remember the positive contribution of playtime. Investing early in further development by attending courses after school lessons can substantially improve children’s chances in life, better equipping them with necessary knowledge and expertise as well as mental and physical strength necessary for outstanding university performance and well-balanced adulthood. However, with a range of positive improvements coming with playing in mind, it is important for parents and teachers to strike a balance between education and fun.
In conclusion, despite the mixed viewpoints raised about what children are supposed to do after school, I strongly believe that participation in both extra classes to enhance skills and playtime is worthwhile. Hence, the main responsibility for ensuring the balanced investment in both lies on the shoulders of the guardians of school children, namely their parents and teachers.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion that restates your position. You use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument (e.g., “On one hand,” “Nevertheless,” “In conclusion”). To improve cohesion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas within paragraphs are logically ordered and connected. For example, the transition between the benefits of extra classes and the playtime could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of vocabulary with a variety of terms related to education and child development (e.g., “extra classes,” “playtime,” “complementary courses,” “soft skills”). To further enhance your lexical resource, consider using more varied and precise language to express your ideas more clearly and vividly. For instance, instead of repeating “children,” you could use synonyms like “youngsters” or “youths” to add variety to your writing.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures and a high level of grammatical accuracy. You use a range of grammatical structures effectively, including complex sentences and passive constructions. To further improve, pay attention to the consistency of verb tenses and ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout the essay. Additionally, consider varying your sentence structures even more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. You have addressed the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion. You clearly introduce your position in the introduction and conclude by emphasizing the importance of balancing extra classes and playtime. To enhance your response, consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments, which can help to further illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.