Some people believe that education should focus on preparing students for employment, while others think it should focus on personal development. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is debate over the best way for education to prepare students, with some people suggesting that it should focus on preparing them for employment, others argue that there are better ways to promote personal development. In my opinion, preparing students for employment is undoubtedly important. But education should focus on fostering personal development.
Some people think that education should focus on preparing students for employment. In today’s competitive world, the job market requires individuals to have specific skills and qualifications. Education systems are tailored to employment equipment students with the technical knowledge and practical skills. And it can increase their chance of finding a job. Moreover, education that reduces issues such as unemployment, as students are more likely to secure a stable job after graduation. In this view, the success of education is related to the number of students who enter the workforce successfully.
However, others argue that education should encourage personal development rather than just preparing students for employment. This approach values the development of creativity, critical thinking, emotional intelligence, and moral values. Personal development encourages students to become independent thinkers, and lifelong learners, qualities that are valuable both in and out of the workplace.
In my opinion education strikes a balance between these two approaches. Because people want to have a job. And therefore education preparing for employment is important. However, if education encourages them to prepare students for personal development, they become independent thinkers, And they can find themselves in all of the places.
In conclusion, while there are valid arguments for both focusing on employment and personal development in education, I believe that an ideal education system should incorporate both elements, this approach will better prepare students for their future careers while also promoting personal growth and well-being.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the conclusion and summarize the main points.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and sentence structures that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to strengthen the argument.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the two perspectives on how education should be focused, but it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of each point. The writer’s opinion is clear, but the argument could be more fully developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the implications of each perspective. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.