Some people believe that governments should take responsibility for public health, while others argue that it is the individual’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Most people think that governments must take responsibility for public health, but others point out it is a personal responsibility. In my opinion, the governments in every country have to take responsibility for their citizens. On the one hand, some contend that since a nation cannot advance without healthy societies, the government must protect everyone’s health. Furthermore, some people are unable to pay for the exorbitant costs of medical care. The government should assist its citizens in this situation. For example, in the United Kingdom, free health care allows people to receive the best medical care even in the face of significant inflation. People there don’t have to worry about their health problems because of this. However, other people would argue that people should take responsibility for their health to maintain their health. People’s poor diets are one of the causes of their illnesses. In other words, individuals start gaining weight as a result of eating meals that are heavy in calories and fat. For instance, because people do not care about what they eat, the obesity rate continues to rise annually. People must therefore alter their diets to be healthy.
In conclusion, even though people may have different views, I believe that people cannot live healthy lives without the assistance of the government.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the key points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect punctuation that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the examples provided could be more specific and relevant to strengthen the overall argument.
Suggestions
- Ensure that both sides of the argument are fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion to fully answer the prompt.