Some people believe that social media platforms have a negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people truly believe that in today’s digital world, the rise of social media has led to severe consequences, ranging from mental health problems to as negative shift on people’s behavisors. I totally agree with this statement since the outcome of excessive use of social media is quite detrimental.
The proliferation of usage of social media platforms such as Instagram, Tik Tok and Twitter which are widely available for individuals with their gadgets, are most used apps ever, putting users in a troubling situation. First worth mentioning point is that mental health of an active user of such platforms is seriously affected due to a cheap dopamine which they offer. Those apps are designed to attract individuals which leads to extended use of social media, say, 4 to 5 hours a day. The mental statement of users is negatively impacted, making them anxious, stressed and depressed due to watching endless short videos called reels on internet. Active users live in highly distracted environment owing to constant notifications, making them more dependent on their phones. I believe that its tremendous impact on individuals physical health has to be cited as a main reason as they are dependency on their phones may lead to harsh problems, being eye strain and brain dementia which are widespread diseases among the world. This is largely caused by the blue color coming from screens as people are addicted to scroll endless harmful videos to get a cheap dopamine.
Although social media has made people’s lives easier to some extent, but there are massive negatives that cannot be neglected. The possibility of social platforms to change the one’s perspective and behavior is vast. Excessive use of social media has made people introverted as users mainly spend their time on internet instead of experiencing real life circumstances, acting as a strong obstacle for them to improve skills such as communication, teamwork and problem solving which are crucial for their successes. It also has made them more prone to procrastinate more often than ever because of attractiveness of them,resulting in weak-mindset which does give up when challenges are faced instead of seeing them as opportunities to grow.
In conclusion,although social media has became an integral part of the world, but it is rife with negative outcomes on people’s health and results in weakened resilience.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire, with a variety of vocabulary used effectively to convey the intended meaning. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence structures used effectively to convey the intended meaning. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The writer’s opinion is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. However, the essay could be more concise and focused, with a clearer thesis statement and more streamlined arguments.