It is said that taking risks brings a lot of benefits. However, it also gives us some drawbacks.
First of all, it is obvious that taking risks will cause a great loss if people do it and fail. In personal life, this loss might not be so harmful. However, it will be really harmful in professional life, because people take a responsibility not only for themselves but also others such as colleagues, customers and their families. It will even damage the society from the economic point.
On the other hand, we can receive huge benefits by taking risks. Firstly, we can learn how to prepare for one goal through this process. In order to achieve the aim, people will make all the efforts to think about it and try to find more efficient way If they do this in the professional circumstances, they will recognize the responsibility and importance of cooperation.
Also, it will be completely meaningful even though people can’t achieve the goal after taking risks.
They will learn the reason why they have failed and how to change it. The failure will enable them to improve their skills and to achieve their object next time.
As I mentioned, it is true that taking risks give us both advantages and disadvantages. However, it can be argued that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks in that we can obtain advantages not only from the result but also from the process of taking risks.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a varied vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “If they do this in the professional circumstances, they will recognize the responsibility and importance of cooperation” could be rephrased as “If they face professional challenges, they will come to understand the importance of collaboration.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, “it is said that taking risks brings a lot of benefits” could be rephrased as “it is often said that taking risks can bring numerous benefits.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits and drawbacks of taking risks in personal and professional life. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the topic, including specific examples and a deeper analysis of the implications of taking risks. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a more thorough exploration of the topic, including a deeper analysis of the implications of taking risks.