Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Experts throughout both the developing and developed world have debated whether the advent of sophisticated modern technology such as mobile phones, laptops and iPad have helped to enhance and improve people’s social lives or whether the opposite has become the case.
Personally, I strongly advocate the former view. This essay will discuss both sides using examples from the UK government and Oxford University to demonstrate points and prove arguments.
On the one hand there is ample, powerful, almost daily evidence that such technology can be detrimental especially to the younger generation who are more easily affected by it’s addictive nature and which can result in people feeling more isolated from the society.The central reason behind this is twofold, firstly, the invention of online social media sites and apps, such as Twitter and Facebook have reduced crucial face-to-face interactions dramatically. Through use of these appealing and attractive mediums, people feel in touch and connected yet lack key social skills and the ability to communicate.
Secondly, dependence on such devices is built up frighteningly easily which may have a damaging effect on mental health and encourage a sedentary lifestyle. For example, recent scientific research by the UK government demonstrated that 90% of people in their 30s spend over 20 hours per week on Messenger and similar applications to chat with their friends instead of meeting up and spending quality time together or doing sport. As a result, it is conclusively clear that these technology advancements have decreased and diminished our real life interactions.
On the other hand, although there are significant downsides to technological developments, its’ multifold advantages cannot be denied. This is largely because the popularity of technology such as cellphones allows people to connect freely and easily with no geographical barriers.
People are able to share any type of news, information, photos and opinions with their loved ones whenever and wherever they want therefore keeping a feeling of proximity and closeness. For example, an extensive study by Oxford University illustrated that people who work, or study abroad and use applications like Facetime and WhatsApp to chat with their families, are less likely to experience loneliness and feel out of the loop than those who do not.
Consistent with this line of thinking is that businessmen are also undoubtedly able to benefit from these advances by holding virtual real -time meetings using Skype which may increase the chance of closing business deals without the need to fly.
From the arguments and examples given I firmly believe that overall communication and mans’ sociability has been advanced enormously due to huge the huge technological progress of the past twenty years and despite some potentially serious health implications which governments should not fail to address, it is predicted that its popularity will continue to flourish in the future.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a different point of view, and a conclusion that restates your position. You use a variety of cohesive devices effectively (“On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “Consistent with this line of thinking”), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. However, the connection between the two main bodies of the text could be made clearer to enhance the overall cohesion.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Make sure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and links back to the introduction.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, using a variety of terms related to technology and social interaction (“sophisticated modern technology,” “addictive nature,” “sedentary lifestyle”). Your use of language is clear and effective, with no significant issues. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved to enhance the precision and formality of your expression.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay showcases a good range of grammatical structures, from simple to complex sentences. Your grammar and punctuation are generally accurate, with no significant errors that detract from the overall clarity of your writing. However, there are a few instances where awkward phrasing or minor errors could be addressed to further improve the quality of your writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively. You have addressed the task effectively by presenting a clear position that supports the idea of technology enhancing social lives while also acknowledging the potential negative effects. Your introduction provides a clear roadmap for the essay, and you develop your arguments with relevant examples and explanations. However, you could further strengthen your response by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-developed.