Some people believe that the government should pay mich attention to sports anda should pay little attention to education and health . Do you agree or disagree?
It is true that the majority of people think that focusing on sports can be very important by the government, rather than concentrating on education and health care. I am of the opinion that the government should pay much attention to important skills such as education and health care, which can help to improve the sports.
On the one hand, there could be a fundamental factor of more focusing on sports can lead to harmful effects, first of all, if the government provides the sports a lot, the athletes can have a lot of opportunities like freedom and being wealthy, which can give rise to inequality among people. For example, through supporting the sports, the public can build some kind of training halls requiring more money, which can lead to waste of money. In addition to this, concentrating on sports can lead to short-term benefits for our society rather than education and health, which are developing skills nowadays. At the same time, if the athletes know their own skills completely, they can earn more money for themselves, which could be harmful for our society because this circumstance can give rise to break the equality in communities.
On the other hand, there could be several advantageous sides of improving education and paying much attention maintaining healthy, then investigating how much money to sports, which are not beneficial for us. One of the main reasons is that education and maintaining healthy can play a crucial role in our society as this can be roots of all skills all over the world. For instance, since the skill is vital for human life, society does not improve without education and sports. Also, education produces stronger people, like discoverers, doctors and scientists. Keeping a healthy system can save people’s lives, which can help to improve the ability of working. Another viewpoint is that education and health care can affect the population more than sports. Furthermore, if doctors and teachers can impact more people, one athlete can be famous through one’s own results.
By the way of conclusion, while sports promote healthy lifestyle and national unity, much focusing on this can ignore fundamental requirements like education and health.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some issues with word choice and sentence structure that affect the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure that could be revised for clarity and professionalism.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement and a clearer structure in the introduction.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines the main points that you will be discussing in your essay.
- Make sure to fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.