Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In our modern world, some people believe that young people should choose jobs that they want while other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. I personally believe the first view is more effective than the second opinion.
On the one hand, some people and parents believe in the first view for this reason if young people choose the jobs that they want. These youths are more successful than other young people because many psychologically find two reasons why young people choose the jobs that they want. Moreover, these young people can find great jobs like the choice of future. I think this situation can improve their work experience and increase their own level from work. In fact, 80 percent of young people are becoming successful if they choose their own future. In contrast, 20 percent of young people are becoming more successful if they don’t choose their own job and future.
On the other hand, many people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future, but they don’t know, they do big problem because all young people want to choose their own future which they want. I think there are several issues from the second view because all young people must choose their own future. If we don’t help to choose the future, they may be dependent on other people, and there are several problems like this. I personally believe this situation isn’t more successful because they may be dependent people.
In conclusion, if I give advice, the first view is more effective and successful than the second view. For this reason, first view can help to improve their skills. However, the second view isn’t more successful for young people. I don’t give advice for second view.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed.