Some people believe that young people should follow in the footsteps of their parents when choosing a career, while others argue that they should have the freedom to make their own decisions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People have different opinions on whether young individuals should pursue the same career as their parents or they should be free to make their own choices. While following one’s parents when opting for a certain occupation can help adolescents to gain essential experiences, leaving them to make a more rational decision freely should not also be ignored as a person’s interest may vary from one another.
Becoming a professional in any field of modern society has been the crucial factor to leading a stable life. Children often take example from their parents when looking for a suitable occupation for having that sustainable future. If young individuals are influenced by parental advice to step on their career, they might benefit to an extent. These people can face any challenges in their job with more confidence due to prior experience derived from their parents. For instance, one of my cousins followed his father’s career as a dentist. During his studies at university, he had a chance to practice his medical knowledge with his father. That has favoured him to grasp of dentistry relatively early and beforehand.
On the other hand, when someone is neglected by their parents about their field of interest, the youth may never achieve the fulfillment from their work. In other words, since every child has his dream job that he or she is eager to work in the future, trying to opt them out of their desire can leave these individuals with no success. When a person makes his own choice in terms of job, he definitely shows the willingness to work hard and stay motivated. These factors are really critical to become an expert in any field.
In conclusion, although pursuing one’s parents can be a sensible decision for gaining essential knowledge in advance, giving an adolescent a chance to choose a job they are passionate about should be accounted as well.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the essay.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, in the sentence “If young individuals are influenced by parental advice to step on their career, they might benefit to an extent,” the phrase “to step on their career” is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal stance. The writer presents relevant examples to support their points and ensures that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the argument that following one’s parents in choosing a career is beneficial.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.