It is believed among people that only visiting doctor can make them feel better and do not look after themselves which causes problems not only with health, but also with finance. People should stop going to doctor whenever they feel bad and start taking care on their own.
To start with, nowadays a lot of people became more stressful and they started afraid of usual thing such as illnesses. This fear can come from different places and the most common is social media where there are both useful and harmful information about every single topic and theme about health is the most widespread. People see videos, images and advertisements where there is information which can provide fear of usual things. And because of the health topic is the most popular, some individuals rely their health on doctors because they have a dread of make their health worse. However, relying the whole health on doctors instead of dealing with problems on their own can affect on finance because every time they visit doctor, they pay for it, moreover, in some places it is very expensive. Regular visits to doctor can make your money literally disappear and you will not understand it until you spend them all on doctors.
To find a solution, it is important to know where does the problem come. According information mentioned earlier, which proved why people start relying their health on doctors, government encourage to do not believe in everything they see in social media and make an education of healthcare much important at schools. For instance, if a woman who regularly visits doctor would see this “propaganda” from government or even from usual people, it can make her stop visiting doctor every time and starts do it herself. Moreover, they can be taught it from childhood at school which will definitely impact in their future life.
To sum up, can get finance problems only because they go to doctor every time they feel bad. To solve it, they should be motivated to take care on their own and also taught usual things in their childhood.

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be improved. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the transition to the body paragraphs is a bit abrupt. Clearer topic sentences and more explicit transitions would help guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points and reinforcing the overall argument.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the most common is social media where there are both useful and harmful information” could be rephrased as “a major source of fear is social media, which contains both beneficial and harmful information.” Improving the precision and appropriateness of vocabulary will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve the overall quality of the writing.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that hinder the overall clarity of the writing. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect the clarity and readability of the text. These include issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition usage. For example, “a woman who regularly visits doctor” should be “a woman who regularly visits a doctor.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the overreliance on doctors for health issues and the importance of self-care. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant arguments. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points more effectively. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.