Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better that it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Whether aging in this modern life is better compared to past decades or not is a matter of debate, with some commenting that aging comes with significant challenges in these days. However, I am inclined to side with those who believe that the life for the elderly in many ways is better than it was in the past.
One might argue that there are difficulties associated with older age. One such problem seems to be isolation. Young people living in extended families under one roof have given a way to more nuclear family arrangements, often moving away from their elderly parents in pursuit of better career opportunities. This geographic and emotional distance may lead to loneliness and a sense of abandonment for the elderly, possibly contributing to increased levels of depression and anxiety.
Notwithstanding these arguments, I would contend that the elderly has better support, care, and community-driven initiatives. Thanks to advancements in medicine, treatments for chronic pain, cardiovascular, and degenerative diseases, often plagues older people, have contributed positively to life expectancy, helping individuals maintain mobility in their 60s or even 70s. These breakthroughs in healthcare made it possible to treat age-related illnesses, leading to an increased enjoyment for the elderly than ever before.
Another argument in favor of modern aging is community events organized specifically for the elderly. These recreational opportunities that cater to the needs of seniors can allow them to remain active members of their communities, perhaps eliminating the feelings of loneliness. In other words, people who are active and vibrant in their later years might feel just fulfilling as youth, contributing to overall happiness and well-being.
In conclusion, while there are valid concerns about aging today, particularly regarding isolation, in my opinion, life for the elderly is superior than it was in the past. From a health and social perspective, life is less daunting for the elderly members of the society.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. Both sides of the argument are discussed in a balanced way, and the writer’s opinion is clearly stated and supported. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more clearly.
Suggestions
- Consider restating your main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.