Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, technologies have been developing at an unprecedented rate. It is often argued that modern technologies are posing some challenges in social life. I share the same idea.
On the one hand, there are some reasons why some people argue that modern technologies have been improving in every walk of life . One of the advantages of modern technology is increased connectivity. Technologies like smartphones have facilitated instant communication, connecting people across geographical boundaries. People no longer travel vast amount of time and destination so as to talk to each other. The introduction of modern technologies in classrooms is an example of the positive effect of technologies in social interaction. They have enabled teachers and students to interact in a new way, making the process of the lessons interesting and more engaging.
On the other hand, I believe that modern technologies are responsible for disrupting social interaction. First, one of the negative sides is reduced face-to-face interaction, which means people tend to check telegram messages or social media feeds thanks to modern technologies, impacting the quality of communication. Furthermore, modern technologies are leading to health issues like poor eyesight, mental health. As a result, people are more likely to have a sedentary lifestyle, or children are becoming lazy and aggressive after an excessive use of technologies.
In conclusion, while technologies are helping to improve interaction in some aspects of life, I personally believe that they are negatively affecting social interaction, such as less in-person interaction or health problems.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect or awkward phrasing that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.