Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
It is claimed by some that happiness is primarily dependent on having a large amount of money. It is presumably because money gives the opportunity of living one’s ideal life and gaining trust of people who surround them. However, other things can lead to a happy life, too, such as having no health-related problems and being surrounded by supportive family and friends.
Nearly everything that leads to happiness is connected to money, meaning a convenient accommodation, an up-to-date smartphone or a comfortable car. Possessing the latest versions of these essentials allows people to live their lives without stress and anxiety. Since, as long as an individual owns all these necessary items, they will no longer need to feel anxious and stressed thinking about comforts that they or their families want. Furthermore, having a significant amount of money often inspires trust from family and friends, which in turn can lead to a sense of confidence and joy. Consequently, based on these factors people feel that the main source of happiness a great amount of money.
On the other hand, possessing wealth alone does not always bring happiness or alleviate worries and solve problems. For instance, if a person has a chronicle or incurable illness and has nobody to support and look after them, they do not feel very happy because without supportive family or friends people can easily lose their hopes for life. Thus, having supportive family and friends who are always there for us when we need them is also important. Even in the presence of supportive friends, family, and wealth, a person may feel distressed upon learning of an incurable illness, such as cancer, which can lead to a loss of hope. Therefore, happiness is not solely dependent on money.
In conclusion, despite of the fact that most people consider a good amount of money is the best way to become happy, there are other factors such as supportive family and health which helps people not to lose their hopes.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more varied and precise use of language to convey complex ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more varied and precise use of language to convey complex ideas more effectively.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the role of money in achieving happiness and providing examples of other factors that can contribute to a happy life. The essay presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples and explanations. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive and provide a more clear and concise summary of the main points discussed.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well supported by the rest of the essay.