Some people think celebrities earn too much money. Do you agree or disagree?

It is said that famous people make a lot of money. I will totally agree with the given statement and I will provide my own stance on the topic.
I support the given statement for two main reasons. Firstly, They promote major corporations. To clarify, they receive a substantial fee for each post and story on social media. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo earns 90 million dollars a year by advertisements. He promotes major brand names such as Adidas and Éclair.
Secondly, they market their own products. To explain, well-known people produce different items with their names on it, which can attract massive numbers of their fans. For instance, Mr. Beast, whose followers on YouTube platform exceed 300 million, sell the chocolate of his own with his name on it. The sales were highly successful due to his popularity among YouTube users.
However, it is important to note that not all famous people are wealthy.. Being a celebrity does not necessarily mean to have too much money. A famous football player, Ronaldinho, can be a perfect case in point. Although he was a brilliant player, he left with big amount of debts after finishing his career. He is working as a trainer at a small Brazilian football academy.
Furthermore, some people are notorious. That is to say, they are famous for having done bad deeds. Nevertheless, most of them ended up in prisons without any money or wealth. As an Example, Pablo Escobar, the biggest drug
trafficker, was arrested in Columbia and the government confiscated all of his properties.
In conclusion, In conclusion, I reiterate my support for the idea that celebrities often earn large sums of money through advertisements and their own business ventures. Notwithstanding, being famous does not always mean that a person is opulent.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the position, but the conclusion could be more effective. The body paragraphs each contain two main points, but the explanations and examples could be more closely related to the thesis statement. Using more varied transition words could help improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion restates the thesis and the main points, but it could be more concise and impactful.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your thesis statement.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, “They promote major corporations” could be rephrased as “They often serve as key promoters for major corporations” to provide more clarity. Additionally, “He promotes major brand names such as Adidas and Éclair” is specific to individual examples and could be made more general.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which enhances the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, “He is working as a trainer at a small Brazilian football academy” could be rephrased as “He works as a trainer at a small Brazilian football academy” for conciseness. Additionally, “Most notably, they are famous for having done bad deeds” is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why some people believe celebrities earn too much money. The writer takes a clear stance and supports the argument with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by addressing potential counterarguments. For example, the argument that not all famous people are wealthy could be strengthened by providing more specific examples of lesser-known celebrities who have not accumulated great wealth.