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Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that most crimes are committed by people who are bad in nature, others claim that most crimes are caused by external factors such as social problems or poverty. I believe that most crimes are the result of external circumstances.
On the one hand, people can be bad by nature, which results into them committing a crime. It may be true, for the reason that there are genetics, that we inherit from our parents and ancestors. Genetics have a certain degree of impact on our lives, we can have the same character traits as our parents or temperament as our ancestor five generations earlier. People do not have a choice in the genetic lottery, we simply get used to deal with our temptations and character. Because of this, some people may be more drawn to murder someone or commit other crimes like hurt someone. Moreover, it can happen by accident, for example, if someone has a bad eyesight and pushed someone downstairs on an accident.
On the other hand, the external factors play a similarly major role in our lives. The environment that we live in shapes us. A quote by William Ralph Inge, “What is originality? Undetected plagiarism.” Although, every person is considered unique, the character traits, the way someone behaves, their face is a referenced from people and things they are surrounded with. For instance , problems like poverty may affect how a person sees money and one’s relationship with it. Growing up in an abusive household may affect someone’s behavior, character along with a world perception, that may serve as the other example. Crimes like domestic abuse may seem as a norm to someone spending childhood in a place where it was common, which can result into the person committing this type of crime. The theft may be a result of someone being desperate for food or money, maybe someone didn’t have the other options. There are thousands off possibilities why and how does society shape criminals.
In my opinion, external factors play a bigger role in terms of committing a crime. The genetics may get weaker over time and characters change. But every person is responsible for their actions and we have the power over how do we perceive the world. People have the power of adaptability and change, if someone had trauma or has natural temptations to kill someone, its their job to work on it.
To conclude, both circumstances and nature influence the possibility of someone committing a crime in a similar way but it is one’s choice to be influenced by it.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions
  • Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “It may be true, for the reason that there are genetics, that we inherit from our parents and ancestors” is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Improving word choice and using more formal language will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will improve readability.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, “The environment that we live in shapes us” could be rephrased as “Our environment shapes us” for conciseness and clarity. Paying attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition use, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-supported by evidence will improve the overall quality of the essay.

Suggestions
  • Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.